How to fight smarter
Relationships can only survive conventional fighting strategies like defensiveness, criticism, contempt, and stonewalling for so long. In How to fight smarter, you’ll learn a smarter way...so you feel confident, clear, and connected, even when shit gets hard.
Conventional conflict is costly
Familiar with these???
Anxiously walking on eggshells
Relational ambivilance - one foot out
Me against you mentality
Feeling insecure or unsafe
Rare or inhibited sex
Avoidance
Start fighting smarter now
The conventional way...
Many of us feel stressed or overwhelmed during fights with our partners. We often feel under threat when tension is running high because it feels like we've got something to loose — dignity, respect, identify...you name it.
This perceived "threat" activates a sort of self-preservation mode in our bodies, which can look like withdrawal – aka shutting down or avoiding. Or we might move toward our partner, but with a vengeance – aka defensiveness or criticism.
Even if we manage to communicate during these stressful states, the conversation often derails into something that detracts from the matter at hand which only causes more insecurity, confusion, and disconnection.
Ever get stuck in a game of “who’s version of the story is right,” or “kitchen sinking” – where you remind each other of everything they've ever done “wrong?” This is exactly what I’m talking about. These distractions don’t move us any closer to the confidence, clarity, or connection we seek, yet because we think we’re gaining some sense of control in the fight, we often fall prey to this never ending struggle for power.
Conventional fighting blows. This “me against you” approach leads us to believe that our partner just doesn’t care, or that the “thing” you’re fighting about will never go away… but don’t be deceived by your thoughts. You’re not a slave to “the way things are.” There's a way to resolve the "unresolvable." There’s a way to prevent most fights from happening in the first place. There’s a way to feel confident, clear, and connected even when shit gets hard.
There's a way to fight smarter...
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How to fight smarter upgrades your whole relationship
When you learn how to get clear, be confident, and stay connected during conflict you also:
Feel at ease and alive in your body.
Clear boundaries = more trust.
Feel agency over your love life.
Feel seen, heard, and valued.
Less conflict = more play.
Bowchickawowwow. Hello sexy time.
Ready for the upgrade?
Hi, I'm Jess Vega
Sex and love coach, Tantrika, and former saboteur d'amour.
Not your BFF
I’m NOT the kind of coach who’s your BFF, but I’m not the bogeyman either. I’m your ally in love and a stand for the relationship you want to create. This means that I'll risk your approval in service to your dreams. At times, this will feel uncomfortable for both of us, but I guarantee that it will lead to more you and more connection in the end ;)
Not your guru
I’m NOT the “just think positive...everything is love and light” woo woo guru coach. You're a rich and complex being, and a head in the clouds approach to awakening and liberation tends to downplay the complexity of your human experience down here on Earth. I'm a two feet planted firmly on the ground kind of coach who draws on the wisdom of Tantrik spirituality and neuroscience to get you results in your sex and love life.
My commitment to you
Saying yes to a coaching relationship is a courageous act of self-love that deserves respect. If you're a yes, I commit to being:
- An assertive yet compassionate liaison between you and your blindspots.
- An ally who will challenge your thinking, keep you honest, and hold you accountable.
- A ride or die who creates the safe space you need to fully fall apart and come back to life.
Are you ready to fight smarter?
It’s simple...
Create a membership account for free access to the course.
Listen to your audio course on a walk, with coffee, or on your drive home. Make sure to do the practices too!
Conflict now becomes an opportunity for deeper intimacy instead of a fear, anger, and anxiety producing affair.
Take the first step now.
The smarter way...
If you want to flip the script on how you do conflict, you must get meta to the invisible factors that are influencing your thoughts, emotions, and communication patterns – both upstream and when you’re knee deep in a fight.
That’s to say, you’ve got to see the unseen and lay a new framework for how you'll show up when tension comes knocking. How to fight smarter will help you do just that, so you can feel clear, confident, and connected with your partner even when shit get hard—and it will—because humans.
When you're ready , here are the steps:
01. Sign up
02. Learn to fight smarter
03. Feel clear, confident, and connected when shit gets hard.
What’s inside the course?
How to fight smarter is a 5 day, self-paced, audio mini course that you can complete at your leisure. It includes practices in each module to help you integrate new concepts.
Intro
Intro
Intro
What to expect from How to fight smarter
Module 1
Module One
The root of conflict
How unmet needs are the underlying cause of every conflict, and how to identify them.
Key topics: Needs, desires, unspoken boundaries, unspoken expectations.
Module 2
Module Two
Wired for division
How our brain's biases tend to set us up for conflict and how to get meta to them.
Key topics: Cognitive biases, identity, truth vs. reality.
Module 3
Module Three
The feels
How to be with uncomfortable emotions so you can remain present during conflict.
Key topics: Sensation, feeling, emotion, emotional agility/resilience.
Module 4
Module Four
The power move
How deep listening transforms your partner's ability to hear and empathize with you.
Key topics: Listening dos/don'ts, non-verbal communication, meaning making.
Module 5
Module Five
In the thick of it
How the words we use make the difference between conflict and collaboration.
Key topics: Default communication patterns vs intentional communication.
Bonus module
Bonus
Effective requests
How to make a request you're more likely to get a yes to.
Ready to fight smarter?
You're one click away.
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